I Hear Ghost Sentences

That's right my little BUCFPites, Ultimate Bill has a Sixth Sense!

Does that mean I won't tell Bruce Willis that he's deep-sixed, even though I know it but I want to score free psychiatric help? No, of course not, that would be cruel. No, in fact, I don't see dead people. My sixth sense is that I can hear ghost sentences...yeah, that's right, ghost sentences. And what, pray tell, is a ghost sentence?

Well, we've all heard of coach speak right? Coach speak is a requirement of any head coach position. A head coach must be able to spin any reality into a nice press bite. Let's say, for example, that Joe Paterno's Nittany Lions just thumped Eastern South Pennsylvania Tech by 78 points. He must be diplomatic and gracious, so you get something like, "That score didn't really show the grit and determination those ESPT players brought today."

Coach speak is what allows us to remain civilized. Now, don't get me wrong. These coaches mean it when they say the "grit and determination" line, it's just that they, and most of you, don't hear the ghost sentence. That's the sentence that follows coach speak. See these guys say ghost sentences, and they don't even KNOW they say them. Take the example above with JoePa. After that line, the ghost sentence is, "My God that team set back football 40 years!"

So there you have my confession. I know this sixth sense is a gift and I don't want to abuse it. I typically use this to dig up gold nuggets for my top-level analysis week-in and week-out, but this week, I'm giving you, the BUCFP faithful, this exclusive look into my world. Here goes the Top Ten Ghost Sentences of last weekend:

1) Charlie Weis tells the media what he said to his players after the loss to Michigan:

"I said, 'Are you going to sit there and pout and say we should have won the game? Is it going to be that kind of attitude? Or are you going to use this to not be feeling like this again?"' he said. "I think the No. 1 thing they have to do if they don't want to be feeling like this again is do something about it."

Ghost Sentence: "In the meantime, I'm going to go home to my palace in South Bend, dip my man-pooch into my diamond encrusted hot tub, order up 3 dozen jelly doughnuts and a case of Bud lite, flip on ESPN to watch Ohio State lose, and use the bank app on my iPhone to look at the $750,000 I just got paid for the 18th loss of the last 29 games I've coached."

2) Bobby Bowden on his Seminoles close call with Jacksonville St.:

"It throws a lot more question marks about where you are, no doubt about that. … And it also says, if you execute like that again, you might not win another game."

Ghost Sentence: "Back when I actually coached this team, I'd have had 50 hung on those clowns by the end of the 1st quarter."

3) Jim Tressel, reflecting on his team's loss to USC at home

"You need to score more than five points in the second half," Tressel said. "They came up with plays on that last drive they needed to and so they go home with the spoils."

Ghost Sentence: "Why the ______ do we keep playing these games?"

4) Frank Beamer, on Virginia Tech's 52-10 victory over Marshall

"I think we really needed this," Beamer said. "I know we needed this."

Ghost Sentence: "I still need a new offensive coordinator."

5) Al Groh, on UVA's loss to TCU

"We understood it was going to be rugged moving the ball."

Ghost Sentence: "I'm an over-paid ___hole."

6) Ralph Friedgen on his Maryland Terrapins overtime victory over James Madison

"We were up 21-6 and I think our defense kind of relaxed," Friedgen said. "Once they [the Dukes] continued to compete as hard as they did, it turned into one heck of a football game. I thought our defense really played well in the overtime..."

Ghost Sentence: "Is anybody buying this crap?"

7) Pete Carroll on Matt Barkley, the Trojan's true freshman starter

"He's not 19," ... "He's our quarterback. I'm not worried about how old he is. Numbers mean nothing"

Ghost Sentence: "I won't use his age as an excuse until after we lose at Oregon."

8) Boise State Coach, Chris Petersen, on his team's upcoming game with Fresno State

"I'm anxious to play (Friday) just because I think we are going to be tested in a much different way," Petersen said. "From what I've seen of Fresno, they are a power run team. This will be a nice test coming up."

Ghost Sentence: "If I keep using the word 'test' all season, maybe people won't notice we don't play anyone."

9) Michigan Coach , Rich Rodriguez, on the Wolverines entering the polls for the first time this year

"I'm not dismissing the polls, that's fun," ... "It's a lot of fun for people to follow it. But from a coaching standpoint, from a player's standpoint, big deal"

Ghost Sentence: "Yes. We are still going to lose to Ohio State."

10) Michigan State coach Mark Dantonio on his team's loss to Central Michigan

"Even after the onside kick, we still had a chance," Michigan State coach Mark Dantonio said. "All we had to do was not jump offside. But there are no excuses here. We got beat today. They were better than us."

Ghost Sentence: "I just said Central Michigan is better than Michigan State. If I were in charge, I'd can my butt for saying that."

And there you have it...don't let it scare you. I only use this power for good.